Monday, May 16, 2005
Sadly, the only mincing on display turned out to be at G.A.Y. in London, where Geri talked about her desire to be taken seriously as an artist, whilst standing next to a ten foot banana. I did sense a certain pork theme however, as minutes later we witnessed her stuffing herself with bangers and mash, and stating "I love sausages, they're my favourite food at the moment". I'm not sure that's an official part of her best-selling diet and exercise video, but it does at least explain the recent weight gain.
Not that Geri's bothered. She stated categorically "I don't diet for anything now. Like if there's a photo shoot, I won't over-exercise. I love myself more than I love what I look like in a video". Ten minutes later her manager popped round to discuss her next single, whereupon she declared that she wanted to lose a couple of pounds for the video, and headed straight off to the gym.
The highlight of the documentary for me, however, was undoubtedly Geri's controlled, measured response to her appearance on Top Gear. Having volunteered to test drive a car around a racing circuit, the ginger one spun off the track and began blubbing uncontrollably, "It's horrible! I hate it!". Yeah, that's how I feel about Top Gear too. And she hadn't even met Jeremy Clarkson at that point.
Fortunately her P.A. was on hand to console her. A woman who knows her boss so well, she can even regognise the Spice dog's poo. Having discovered the waste products of Geri's dog Harry being offered for sale on Ebay, the P.A. was straight in there to... um... pooh-pooh the seller's claims. "Harry has a very unique looking poo", she informed us, without a hint of irony, before examining the photo carefully, and declaring "This is not Harry's poo". So the seller might have to remove the claim about it being "a genuine piece of pop memorabilia".
And besides, if you want some some shit that's connected with Geri Halliwell, there's her entire back catalogue to choose from.
Not that Ginger's relationship with her dogs is to be taken lightly. As she says herself, "I love my two dogs differently but equally. I suppose that's how mothers feel about their children". Yes, but they don't employ people who can recognise their poo on the internet.
Anyhoo, with a bit of luck, Geri might be able to experience the joys of motherhood for herself one day. Yes, it's official - Miss Halliwell is looking for love. But she does seem to be setting her sights a little high. Having told us that she wants to be adored, she mentioned that a previous boyfriend had described her as 'fab'. Which prompted the indignant response "Fab is not good enough!". Yeah, but let's face it, you're Geri Halliwell, how fussy can you afford to be?
She did state however that she'd rather have a boyfriend than a number one record. Which is handy.
A little more worrying was the revelation that "the good thing about crappy relationships is that it gives me so much fuel to write songs".
Blimey. That's one fuel protest I wouldn't mind joining. Let's all hope she finds herself a good relationship. And fast.