Friday, August 05, 2005

Cross the Golly

It's been an interesting week in the Big Brother house. Kinga duly returned, downed a couple of drinks, and proved she had a lot of bottle. Makosi and Craig did a bit of line-dancing on their way to buggering up another week's task. And Derek shot Saskia. While nasty piece of work and all round evil genius Eugene spent the week trying to destroy everyone in the house. That's if you're as paranoid as Craig. If you're not, he basically just cowered in the corner whimpering in morse code.

But at the end of it all, someone had to go, and seeing as Eugene could barely stop crying long enough to clean his teeth, that someone had to The Dark Deceiver and future Tory Prime Minister, Derek, who became evictee number 10. Kind of appropriate for a man with designs on Downing Street.

Personally I was sad to see him go, but only because I'm sick and tired of Eugene ruthlessly destroying people. Oh no, that's not real is it. Well even so, I felt Eugene hit his peak ten days ago when he started telling anecdotes which began "De-dot-de-dot-de-dot-dot-dot...". He's gone slightly downhill this week, whereas Derek has started seeing smiling monkeys coming out of the ceiling, so frankly now is not the time to be evicting the man. Another seven days and we could have seen a full scale mental breakdown. Possibly accompanied by Kinga singing.

But Derek clearly learnt a lot during his time in the house. As he told Davina, "I discovered that I'm a nicer person than I thought I was", a statement clearly confirmed by such comments as "they're all wankers without the co-ordination", calling Craig a stupid child, Orlaith an brain-dead blonde, and saying Science made him want to join the BNP. It makes you wonder what he thought of himself before he went into the house. He was probably on a par with that amoral despot, Eugene. Honestly, is there anyone that man won't try and destroy? I pity the members of his Radio Club.

But anyway, as Derek himself said, "It's better not to cross the golly". Which I presume is something to do with breeding marmalade. Unfortunately though, the British public have crossed him off their shortlist, and the nation's favourite Conservative is out. And promising to inflict a book of children's stories on us. Talk about getting your revenge...